When children don't listen

You say it once…twice…three times…maybe even more! As you get more annoyed you get louder, then, before you know it, you're yelling! Only then do your kids finally follow your instruction, reluctantly doing as they are told. Or maybe your toddler or child starts yelling back! If you're wondering how to get your kids to listen without yelling, it helps to start to understand what could be making them behave this way.

What is disobedience?

Every child or toddler may be defiant or disobedient at times. But defiance or disobedience is problem when it happens regularly — for example, if your child follows less than half the instructions you give them.

Some things that may go along with not listening or being defiant include:

• Ignoring instructions
• Answering back
• Demanding rather than asking
• Complaining or whingeing
• Doing the opposite action

Why are children disobedient?

Children always have a reason for the way they behave. They may be tired, hungry or feeling unwell, and there are plenty of other reasons children will not do as they're asked. You may have even accidentally encouraged your child not to listen to you, not to follow your instructions, or be defiant.

When your child doesn’t listen to you or is defiant it could be because:

• Children do things to get more attention (even if it's negative attention)
• Children may get this attention when you reason, nag, or negotiate with them
• Children may disobey or ignore you if that means they can avoid doing something they would rather not do
• Children get confused if you're not consistent (you let them get away with something today but expect something different tomorrow)
• You may be expecting too much for your child's age and stage of development

...or maybe all of these things at once!